It was 6:30-ish AM on a cool fall morning in October 2018. I was on my way to St. Joan of Arc Parish for morning daily Mass. My mind, as usual, held so many thoughts, yet the one that had been plaguing me for a while, how to serve God using the talents with which He has blessed me, was front and center. I was listening to Relevant Radio, as it never is off in my car. The Morning Air program was on. The host, John Harper, was interviewing a guest about a Catholic apostolate she formed. As I entered the parking lot and was about to turn the car off, the last thing I heard the guest say was that for more information on her work one can go to her web site. I froze. As John Harper would often say, I had a Holy Spirit Ah-Ha moment. CatholicMathGuy.com. CatholicMathGuy.com. Out of my mouth those words were coming, from where I do not know, but there they were. CatholicMathGuy.com. I ran into the Church, anxious to write it down before I forgot. CatholicMathGuy.com. What did it mean? What would its purpose be? Or on a more practical level, was the domain name even available? All these thoughts were racing through my mind. Immediately after Mass, I sped to my office and without even getting settled I checked. The domain name CatholicMathGuy.com was available! Without hesitation, I registered it and CatholicMathGuy.com was born.
Sort of.
I should back track a little or may be a lot. Without going into specifics, some years back there came a point in my life when I was at rock bottom. Seriously! I had but perhaps a millimeter, or a centimeter at best, before the bottom was reached. I called out to the Lord. Two Scripture passages come to mind (there are many others, of course), Psalm 116 and Tobit 13:6:
Psalm 116:
1 I love the LORD, who listened
to my voice in supplication,
2 Who turned an ear to me
on the day I called.
3 I was caught by the cords of death;
the snares of Sheol had seized me;
I felt agony and dread.
4 Then I called on the name of the Lord,
“O LORD, save my life!"
Tobit 13:6
6 When you turn back to him with all your heart,
and with all your soul, do what is right before him,
Then he will turn to you,
and will hide his face from you no longer
Well, over time God “listened to my voice in supplication” and turned to me. I am now at peace and, though still struggle, I have never been happier. Thanks be to God! So, again from Psalm 116 and Tobit 13:6:
Psalm 116:
10 I kept faith, even when I said,
“I am greatly afflicted!”
12 How can I repay the LORD
For all the great good done for me?
Tobit 13:6
6 Now consider what he has done for you,
and give thanks with full voice
And that is what I seek: How can “I repay the Lord for all the great good done for me”? How can I “give thanks with full voice”? How can I bear witness? How can I serve God by fulfilling the mission He has given me? He saved me for a reason, He has a plan for me, what is it? I did not, nor do not, know. Turning to the New Testament for help, one finds in Matthew 25:14-30 (Parable of the Talents), Romans 12:3-8 (Many Parts in One Body) and 1 Peter 4:10:
Matthew 25:14-30 Parable of the Talents, with verse 21 emphasized.
21 His master said to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy
Romans 12:3-8 Many Parts in One Body, with verses 6 to 8 emphasized.
6 Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given us, let us exercise them: if prophecy, on proportion to the faith; 7 if ministry, in ministering; if one is a teacher, in teaching, in teaching; if one exhorts, in exhortation; 8 if one contributes, in generosity; if one is over others, with diligence; if one does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.
1 Peter 4:10
10 As each one has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God’s varied grace.
Oh, how I would love to hear those words one day: "Well done, my good and faithful servant. Come, share your master's joy". But hold on. What are my talents? What are my gifts? I do not sing or dance (trust me, that is something YOU should be thankful for!). I am not an extrovert by any stretch of the imagination (though I have been known to make a party or two come alive). I am not a Priest or a Deacon (bummer). So many things I am not. So, what am I? What am I good at? What is God calling me to? Questions I am sure many struggle with, but I needed to do something.
As time went by, I began to focus on answering those questions by taking an inventory of what (not who) I am. This is what I came up with: I am an engineer with emphasis on high fidelity modeling and simulation using mathematical and statistical concepts to help defend the US (did your eyes just glaze over there?). I am also an Adjunct Professor of Mathematics and Statistics with over 15 years of experience, which I enjoy. I care deeply about teaching my students the concepts so that they can truly understand – and apply! – what they are learning and not just settle on rote memorization for a grade. I am good at software development, love developing applications to help demonstrate mathematical and statistical concepts. I love math. I love statistics. And, above all, I love God!
Okay, but so what? With the exception of a love for God, pretty boring stuff. I had nothing.
With the help of Prayer and Spiritual Direction I changed direction. I began to start backwards. I love God! I love statistics. I love math. I love being an Adjunct Professor. I love helping upper level high school and college students see the relevance of math and statistics in “real life”. Maybe looking at it from this perspective could be helpful?
Still nothing. Crickets.
And that brings us back to that October morning when, with all these thoughts going on in my head, I had that Holy Spirit Ah Ha moment. CatholicMathGuy.com!
CatholicMathGuy.com! Something clicked. Maybe I could create a site that would serve two purposes. First, to explore God and mathematics and statistics, something one does not often think about! And, second, to provide a forum for high-school and college students to get free help in their math and statistics development by helping them understand the concepts and providing assistance in solving problems. This would allow me to:
Great! That was it! CatholicMathGuy.com! Or so I thought.
Doubt crept in. Is this something God wants me to do? Does anyone care about God and mathematics and statistics? How would it work? People I spoke to about it were like, yeah, that’s cool. A polite way of saying they thought I was nuts. Always a distinct possibility. Yet God and mathematics and statistics fascinates me. There is an order to mathematical truth, truth that is God’s truth. The beauty of the quadratic formula is but one example. Have you ever looked at the beauty of nature? And, how about God and the role of chance in our lives? The Bible speaks of “casting lots” many times. Or chance and free will? Often overlooked is the fact that the Catholic Church has been one of the biggest supporters of the sciences and many Priests are scholars and have made quite dramatic discoveries (think the Big Bang Theory – and, no, not the TV show!). I was flip-flopping all over the place, unable to get off the ground.
Then COVID-19 hit.
Suddenly, students and teachers were faced with unprecedented challenges. How can a subject like Calculus be effectively taught outside of an in-classroom environment (I myself had to switch gears mid-semester to an on-line forum)? What if a student just didn’t get it? Where can they go for help? Is there someone who would help with specific questions? Where can a parent who all of a sudden finds themselves being a home schooler go for help when his son or daughter asks, “Dad, can you help me understand this trigonometric identity, I just don’t the point to it”? Yeah, right, kid. Or even worse, “Mom, I need to do this statistical analysis using R, though I can use Python, that’s due on Monday – and it’s Saturday. I’m lost. Can you help”? I’m breaking out in a cold sweat, too! Or perhaps a nursing student (one of our future heroes!) at, say, the University of Mary in Bismarck, North Dakota (one of the greatest Catholic universities under the leadership of Monsignor James Patrick Shea, who though never having met - a dream of mine one day - is of one of the greatest men I know just by his insights on Relevant Radio most Thursday mornings on Morning Air) will be questioning the role of calculus in his or her field?
I decided to put all my doubts aside and go forward. Now's the time.
With the help of the eCatholic services I developed the CatholicMathGuy.com site to serve the two above purposes (interesting that that initial vision of CatholicMathGuy.com really did not change). Though not fully populated with writings (though that part will be an on-going process) or all procedural questions answered (that will be an on-going process as more experience is gleaned) I decided not to wait till it was more polished, I wanted to do it. So please forgive me. I believe the need exists and I am hopeful that come the fall, if not before, it will be a valued resource to students, parents and teachers and professors alike.
Though some might argue this is not a normally thought of ministry, and they may be right, I am hopeful that, like any other ministry, I am freely using my talents (as small as they are) for the greater glory and honor of God by applying them for the betterment of others. And in some very small way it might help me answer those burning questions: How can “I repay the Lord for all the great good done for me” and how can I “give thanks with full voice”. Is CatholicMathGuy.com part of the answer to those questions? I have no idea. Yet even though I may have no idea what is pleasing to God, I hope and pray that just my desire to please Him is in fact, pleasing to Him. From the Thomas Merton Prayer:
My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you.
Therefore, for better or for worse, CatholicMathGuy.com will go live on or about June 15th. What happens then, where it goes from there, I do not know. It is in God's hands. I cannot think of any place I’d rather it be.
God Bless you all!
CatholicMathGuy
June, 2020
Note: All scripture passages taken from the New American Bible, revised edition 2010